Offensive Littering
We're on the South side of the bay, checking out some visiting Canadian warships, hoping to finagle a tour. But, we get interrupted by the radio, dispatching us to an "assist the police" call on the other side of the harbor on one of the docks.
Dispatch tells us that if we need more info, we can call in. So, I call up on my cell, and am told that the officers want us to identify some 'organs' to see if they are of human origin. WTF? I'm not a physician, pathologist or M.E., but what the hell - it sounds interesting. What I'm thinking, actually, is that I'll tell the officer "Yup, that'd be a gallbladder from the Mexican Jumping Kangaroo, and I think it might have been diabetic." That'll teach them to call us for help!
So we pull up, behind the 3 patrol cars there. We make our way down the ramp where we find one vaguely familiar-looking gentleman standing there with 3 of Newports Finest. Not only familiar-looking, but sheepish-looking as well. They're all in deep conversation. There's a black plastic garbage sack sitting on the dock at his feet. It's obviously got something non-rigid inside. Gelatinous, perhaps. He finally mentions that he's with the EMS Conference in town.Â
Suddenly, it all comes together. I interrupt, and ask him if he's been teaching airway. With a smile, he acknowledges that yes, he has been. "It's pig lungs with the tracheas attached" I triumphantly announce to the cops. No peaking, no looking, no muss, no fuss, no dishpan hands. One officer acknowledges with a snort, and makes a comment about all us EMS folk being SICK. They eventually wander off, and we introduce ourselves. Seems the class was over, and he wanted to dispose of the, er, materials. Some of the Aquatically Employed suggested he 'just leave it by the boat down there' and it would be used as crab bait. Taking the suggestion to heart, he did just that, then retired to the restaurant across the street for lunch (no pork products, I'm thinking). As the first, then second, and even a third police car pulled up, discharging their occupants to the bottom of the ramp, he decided to head back and 'fess up.
Seems the owner of the vessel, finding the remains, was none too pleased and called it in. Now, this is only about half a mile from a truly horrendous crime, and this was taken seriously. Once it was determined that only some oinkers had lost their lives, there was taken under consideration a citation for offensive littering. Luckily, the nice man only received a Stern Warning and was cut loose. He did ask, though, that we not 'spread his name around' during the inevitable B.S. Sessions shift briefings to come.  So, no, I won't do that. But if you look around the conference website link, oh, say to the Speakers section, I will drop a hint. He's a rotor head.
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